Will someone figure out what my (now deceased) hostile wooden cube was for?
79
1kṀ9356
2026
18%
chance

I found this object in Evanston, IL, in early 2024. I rescued it from an alley. I have no idea what it is. If someone can find a similar object and explain what it is, or provide a confident and convincing explanation, this market resolves YES. I have asked many ppl and no one really knows. Currently I think the only explanation that makes sense is like, a student carpentry project for no purpose other than to demonstrate skill at craft.

The object is fairly hollow, I believe, and the wooden stakes do not go all the way through the object (the ends are stuck on). About a cubic foot in size (plus spikes).

I no longer have this object because my girlfriend feared it and would not let me bring it when we moved in together. I regret this. The object was indeed quite hostile though. Sharper than you’d think, and spikes on all sides.

I want to know by the end of the year. If no one can give me an explanation I am convinced by (with evidence! Not just a theory!) then this resolves NO at year’s end.

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@MattSN6SlZ what is this?

@EstMtz It’s my homage to the wooden hostile object, but rendered in cold hard steel.

@MattSN6SlZ From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel. I aspired to the purity of the Blessed Machine. Your kind cling to your flesh, as though it will not decay and fail you. One day the crude biomass you call a temple will wither, and you will beg my kind to save you. But I am already saved, for the Machine is immortal… Even in death I serve the Omnissiah.

No need to trade based on this information.

I'm going to email a few people, see if we can get anything going on that front.

https://www.evanstonartcenter.org/school/dept/adult-classes-department/woodworking

@Predictor excellent!

@bens No luck from One River School Evanston, Studio 215, Tomate Fresh Kitchen, MidWest Montessori, Actors Gymnasium, Piven Theater, Art Encounter, Evanston Art Center or Noyes Cultural Arts Center. Back to the drawing board for me, thought for sure it would solve it.

Hang on a moment, what did you do with it when you got rid of it? Would it be possible for us to find it again?

The cycle of ownership must continue.

@TheAllMemeingEye a couple of the spikes had broken when I dropped it while taking it out to the alley while moving out of my apartment, I'm ashamed to say. I was getting rid of it anyway, but I'm a little sad about this. It was probably taken out with bulk trash as it was move-out day and I think it's unlikely anyone claimed it as I did, given that I'm much weirder, more sentimental, and more likely to notice strange objects than the typical Evanstonian.

@bens now we just gotta find the local landfill sites

@TheAllMemeingEye Or we can recreate it. Whether it be 1-for-1 or we iterate on the inventive process of assuming it's a Square Foot Garden seeder.

@Quroe new objective: create a fully functional giant spiked rubiks cube before manifest

@TheAllMemeingEye You joke about it, but I'm an engineer. Don't tempt me.

@TheAllMemeingEye Gosh darn it. It wouldn't be too hard...

https://a.co/d/0J8uyKr

And if we wanted a more "authentic" dimension of ~1 cubic foot (30cm):

https://www.thecubicle.com/products/super-big-cube-3x3-30cm?gQT=1

@Quroe Very tempted to make a market precisely about this haha

This is the location where it was found, @traders

@bens Does a farmer's market meet here often?

Edit: wait, I might be off the mark on the location.

@Quroe ya that's about a 10 min walk away (I know that area of Evanston well though haha)

A cultural arts center is near the drop point. Perhaps it's simply an art project?

While I'm struggling to find a raised garden specifically, the greenery here does seem meticulous and well kept.

When I feel particularly sweaty in the future and can spend more time attacking this problem, I could identify the plant species I see in this vicinity and study the optimal planting arrangements of them to see if any match the pattern of "every 4 inches" and "1 to 3 inches deep".

@bens an object this obviously menacing isn’t of natural origin. It’s clear it originated in a lab and got loose.

Are there any nearby centers for the study of woodworking? Maybe a high school wood shop?

I suspect someone took an ordinary box, and used glue of function research to develop it into a caltrop. Dangerous, and tragic if it were to spread.

@Quroe I thought about that arts center, but it seems weird to like, make this complicated project, and then walk diagonally across the street to a residential alley to throw it away, rather than just in a public trash can right next to the arts center?

@MattCWilson should I make a secondary market as to whether the cube was released naturally or due to a lab leak?

@bens unless you’re going for viral reach and plausible deniability

@bens just be careful - the forces that created the cube may not want that kind of attention

@bens If the building to the immediate East and West of your drop point are residential, perhaps some artist brought it home from the arts center, had it in their house, and then their significant other told them to get rid of it for being too hostile.

@Quroe exactly the sort of thing big woodworking would say

You were simply the next owner in the cycle of transmission. It is a meme made manifest.

@MattCWilson Heck, you've figured me out. /s

@Quroe it’s ok - many of us could be taken in by that sort of explanation if the deep state propaganda machine is in full swing. don’t get duped! next, they’ll tell you that a simple application of a belt sander will prevent any risk of harm and stop further transmission. But then it turns out it’s not just a belt sander, you need repeated boosters of fine grit sandpaper to keep it smooth, and the next thing you know you’ve got a 10” circular table saw in your spare room

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