Photographic proof req'd by close. And please report any deviations, as requested demanded by @shankypanky (here).

/shankypanky/will-stralor-send-me-a-recipe-for-a

/nikki/which-ingredients-will-be-a-part-of

/shankypanky/what-will-happen-before-pat-sends-m

/Stralor/will-she-like-the-soup

The Recipe:

- let's make some chunky fucking leek and potato souuup -

basically everything on this ingredients list is optional or can be replaced with something else you've got. have a passionate vendetta against leeks AND potatoes? you can still make this soup. it's your life, fuck the rules

• leeks

• potatoes

• wild-foraged black trumpet mushrooms

• lime

• habanero

• sea salt

• truffle salt

• bay leaves

• turmeric

• paprika

• rainbow pepper

• ginger

• canola oil

• sesame oil

• olive oil

• coconut milk

• water

read on for recommended quantities, or just yolo it. recipe is vaguely scaled to fill a normal household soup pot.

- directions, of a (long) sort -

same general principles apply here as with the ingredients. think i'm a madman for how i'm telling you to do something? that's fine, skip it and find out if you're right.

first, very importantly, i need to inquire about the status and identity of your mushrooms. they don't actually need to be wild-foraged or any such nonsense.

these are probably great fun for this:

• black trumpets (what i used)

• chanterelles

• maitake

• lion's mane

• morels

• inky caps

• ...??

i wouldn't use matsutake (would get drowned out), oyster (don't have enough pizzazz and don't take well to soups imo), or boletes (spongeyyy). and if you can only get your hands on buttons (cremini, portobello, all those samey "brown-" or "white-mushrooms" that everyone thinks of when they think of mushrooms - it's all one species), just don't. DON'T. if you nailed the sautee they'd be okay, but more likely than not in soup they'll end up soggy, rubbery, and taste monotone. they're boring on a good day. skip 'em. if you still want some of the flavor add some mushroom powder later in the process.

you've got good mushrooms? are your lil mushies:

• fresh? great, i'll get back to you soon

• (un)intentionally dried out? cool, get out a bowl of water, and throw in a handful or two of the shroombabbies so they reconstitute themselves for 15 minutes while we do other things

let's really get started now. take a couple large leeks (or, like, idk, a bunch of tiny ones), chop off and throw out the weird finger roots, then blast water down the leeks' tubes from both ends. you really wanna rinse these bastards thoroughly, they can accumulate a lot of dirt, just how it should be: (1) tasty (2) bois (3) who have fun wrestling in the mud.

rinsed? good. chop those fuckers in half, or wherever the rough green part ends and the soft white round part begins. we're gonna use both parts.

chop the greens finely and put aside for now; they're there for souper flavor so prettiness doesn't count. cut the white parts into discs i'll call "medallions", maybe a finger thick, doesn't matter. they'll come apart naturally so don't worry about doing any more than that.

grab a frying pan and your big honking soup pot.

turn the heat on the pan to mid-high, throw in a bit of your favorite cooking oil, whether that's bacon grease, butter, or vibes (i used canola). NO SALT OR SPICES IN THE PAN; we're gonna do the mushrooms here later and they almost universally spook easily. let it get a bit up to heat, then drop in the medallions. the goal here is only to brown the edges a bit, so toss them occasionally while you move on to the next steps.

rinse a couple pounds of 'tatoes, leave the skins on unless they've sprouted or greened, and lop them apart into hefty almost-bite-sized pieces. fill the soup pot ~1/3 or so with water, then drop in the potatoes. it should cover the potatoes with good room to spare, and also leave plenty of unfilled space in the pot to add lots more things; adjust water or potatoes as necessary.

you're allowed to salt something now: go wild on that pot. i double-fisted truffle salt and sea salt, but any normal table salt is great too. a soup like this needs quite a bit of salt, but just remember we're not trying to jumpstart a new Pacific: you can always add more salt later after tasting, so it's okay to be a little shy if you aren't sure.

you might as well turn on that burner, too. put it at high, we need those chunky himbos to get boiling.

how are the leek medallions doing? if they've browned a bit that's fine; browning leeks probably isn't actually important, but I figure we should take every chance we can get for a little Maillard reaction. throw them in the pot at your discretion.

it's a good time to get a couple of the other spices going, too. the bay leaves should be thrown in ASAP, as should the leek greens. also grind in pepper now before the steam can clog your grinder (i used rainbow, normal black is perfect too, just be sparing if you're using the super-fine ground stuff). if you're using fresh ginger, it's now or never to chop a small piece up, but no rush on ground ginger.

before moving on, pour in your tasty oil of choice. i did a few "glorps" each of olive and sesame.

mushies time! brush off any dirt/ sticks/ bugs, and cut off any bits that you don't think would be good to eat. if they were soaking, drain 'em and blot dry a bit. it's weird, we're about to cook a lot of the water out of them even if we just put it in, but we also don't want them to start super wet on the outside. this order of operations here is important so you aren't chewing on either rawhide or rubber.

cut em or rip em up however you want. i like chunks so i keep my pieces sizable.

if the leek medallions aren't in the pot, put them in now. get their former pan up to at least mid-high temp, then throw the mushrooms in. cook, stir, and toss until they've got a nice crust going on all sides, really hang out with them and devote your love to their care and wellbeing. if they're black trumpets you won't see the browning so you'll just have to guess. then turn down the heat to low or mid-low and let them chill a bit.

cut a lime and squeeze its juices into the pot. optionally drop a used wedge of it in, too. i carved off small pieces of the rind and dropped them in for shits and giggles. it gave a fun burst of flavor every now and then.

assuming the pot is righteously roiling at this point, we're ready for everything else. add a can of coconut milk; a couple pinches of ginger; a respectful, if committed, dose of paprika (get a solid coat going); and anywhere from an ambitious to a terrifying amount of turmeric (~twice as much as the paprika). you can overdo these but, like, who cares if you hero-dose at dinner?

ahhhh yes, time for the habanero. remember how i said you can skip any ingredient? i lied. cowardice is not allowed in this house. you may use gloves if you must.

my dosing rules: 1 habanero per pot = tasty, palatable, and surprisingly not overwhelming when in soup for the vast majority of people. 2+ habaneros per pot = Fun.

we're not here for Fun today, this is serious business. you should probably stick to 1 habanero.

cut off the stem, then chop up the flesh into tiny pieces. and oh yes, keep the seeds. people who say you're not supposed to eat the seeds are missing the point of the chili in the first place, and in this case each seed is like a little exciting surprise in a game of russian roulette; it breaks up the monotony of life. so yes, throw the seeds and the chopped fleshy bits into the soup together. the stem is the only part we don't want.

finally, add the mushrooms in at your discretion; earlier means more flavor, later means crispier, depending on how your sautee went.

let boil for about 30 minutes, counting from when the potatoes first got up to temp, or until they get just soft enough for you. honestly, with how much you had to read and follow, that's probably about now.

serve hot with soft bread.