For two centuries, stall #3 in room H-322A of the upper hall of the House has held the important role of Listener of the House. The walls listen closely to the pulse of the House and the House listens back. A recent graffito proclaims, "Nancy's a snake-a** b****," and yet another states, "Never work with JJ." Much older scripts carrying echoes of the past, display our country's proud heritage, "F*** Henry Clay" and "For a good time, call upon Betsy [address redacted]."

However, today these cultural inheritances are under threat. Recently, an enterprising congressman in his lust for power has drilled a so-called "horse-trading hole" between the Listener of the House and stall #2. This hole and it's coming repair job threaten this proud graffiti that is your American birthright. That's why we're asking you today to call your Congressman and declare that "I stand with stall #3."