What will fix me?
Dec 31
Try what @NevinWetherill said in comments
exercise (gay cardio kind)
not fixed in 2024
becoming a boy
exercise (hardcore lifting)
quitting nicotine
new job
new city
becoming a girl
keto diet

Things that don't happen or happen after being "fixed" resolve N/A
Things that happen before being "fixed" and don't result in being "fixed" resolve NO
otherwise YES if I feel like it contributed

"not fixed in 2024" is special and resolves to what it says

Get Ṁ600 play money
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Okay, I'm going to give some advice. It may not work, but it's my best bet.

I'll try to put actually actionable things in here, and I'll just add an option for "do what Nevin says" so people can bet on my takes. Some of this may require clarification - not everything is basic behavioral stuff - but I'll answer any questions you have about whatever.

  1. Do your best to get 8 hours of sleep per night. Like, actually at least 8 hours, and actually mostly at night. This is #1 because it's a basic thing that may be going wrong with anxiety levels and general brokenness feelings. Actually sleeping enough and having your eyes experience natural light during the right parts of your sleep cycle are pretty important, especially if other stuff is already kinda fraying you around the edges.

  2. Eat a little better. Doesn't need to be a lot better, but cut out some of those terrible diet habits you know you have. Yes, even the one that's making you whine in the back of your throat right now. You know it's bad, that's why it popped into your head. In case that guess is wrong, here are some candidates for good eliminations: sugary drinks, any caffeine above 250mg/day (and none after the sun starts teasing the horizon,) Oreos/potato chips/donuts/any bingey-carb-bombs, anything that gives you acid reflux or makes you feel sleepy (huge pizzas, lasagna, a giant tub of instant ramen at 9pm.)

  3. Stop worrying about gender for now. You have some clothes that you own, look through them and choose the ones that are most comfortable and practical. Don't worry about their style or whether they're girly or boyish. Just do they feel good on your skin, are they easy to move in, does anything bunch up in weird spots when you sit? Try just not bothering with clothes that don't score high on that scale, don't bother making definite plans to go shopping/browse online for a whole new style. Ditto any makeup/hair dyes/accessories - if they don't actually feel physically comfortable/pleasant to have on, don't bother for now. Simplify, reduce the things you have to worry about by just refocusing on whether you feel tactiley comfortable with those things on you.

  4. If you are hurting yourself ever, actually stop that. Bad things are bad, hurting is bad. Having a bunch of awful bad terrible thoughts and trauma and regrets and self-doubt is all bad, but additional pain or injury is also bad. More bad doesn't make things better. Yeah, when you have that "oh fuck, what did I just do" moment and you run to the medicine cabinet, you aren't thinking about other stuff any more, but you didn't actually make anything better, it was just a distraction. There are better distractions. Do simple good things. Make a list of them. Drink water, go for a walk, practice riding a pillow to intense grungy dance music, pee in a sink, practice throwing cards until the floor is covered in them and you're laying on the ground laughing and crying, message a friend and love bomb them in a silly way that isn't like secretly dark/doesn't make them too nervous.

  5. Do bodyweight exercise and stretches. Big lifts and intense cardio are, in my impression, dopamine pumps. They make people fall into a love/hate relationship with them, and get all manic about it. I don't think it's the best way to put someone back together, I think it's how you give someone in a specific situation more energy and enthusiasm. Moving your body is most of what you do with your body, improving that is going to make you feel more comfortable and cheerful. There's a guy on TikTok (? Idk I watch some clips on YT) who's catchphrase is "stay flexy" - he does a good job of showing off something like this style of exercise. It's a lot of stretching, has a lot of variety, and can show you a new side of living in a body that's deeply satisfying. You can also do stretches and bodyweight exercises without a lot of commitment/planning. Rock climbing is also a good place to kinda check out if you get started on this and want a social activity that is healthy, supportive, cooperative and interesting. Most cities and even some towns have a climbing gym, and they're pretty chill places with people ready to just talk about how the heck you're supposed to get up a wall, and cheering you on when you make even the tiniest steps of progress.

  6. Simplify your mental model of yourself. Labels and complicated theories are... Well, they do occasionally help other people relate to you, but they are often not very helpful internally. You have lived your whole life as yourself. Try going through a day without thinking "I'm X or Y" - just notice how you react to specific things. Like, not "uhn I'm in a such a gay mood," instead "damn, those abs are making my heart race and my mouth water" - the movements of your mind don't need to check a dictionary before they go one way or another, unless you're trying to force yourself to check a dictionary because some definition has become a bit too important. You aren't starting over if you drop all the names for things you've learned - you still know who you are - you've lived in your mind and body for your whole life. That whole life is just you, even if you don't know how to even start to explain what sorta entity you are to someone else if you didn't use the words for stuff that you've learned over the years.

  7. Find a friend who seems like they have a more solid center to themselves, and let them talk to you about what they think about stuff. Not someone who's doing better coping with a huge mess, but someone who seems like you could throw a smoothie in their face and they'd just grin and go "aw hell, now you know you've declared war, right?" Like someone who has a solid platform within themselves that they've learned how to fall back to in a variety of situations. Talking to them, trying to learn how to expect what they're going to say, learning that rhythm by being close to them, that's going to start to show you where you can find those more solid mindsets within yourself.

  8. Memetic hygiene is a real thing. Stop browsing really dark stuff for a while. It doesn't have to be cold-turkey or you swearing it off permanently, but you should probably cut some amount of negative/unhealthy content out of your life for a while until you can see it without getting sucked into the mindset. Take a break from brain-rot meme subreddits, stop reading trauma fics on AO3, declare a hiatus from a discord group where everyone talks about SH and share/mix all the thoughts of messy degens... If there are specific friends you wanna keep in touch with, tell them you're taking a break from that kinda content and that they can send you memes without anything weird in them for now - like just videos of cats, minus the captions about war crimes and scitzophrenia. Avoid irony and cynical stuff for a while. Listen to Sam Harris interviews or listen to the Project Lawful podcast on Spotify, or check out YT content from people who film stuff with shots of nature, talk earnestly about their hobbies and passions and ideas, and who don't do smashcut zoomer edits or roast people.

I've helped one person put themselves back together before, and before that I've put myself back together before. This is the stuff that seems solid to me. The full force of my compassion, creativity, and my ability to parse who has good takes about mental health went into the ideas on this list at one point or another. None of this is calling anyone else silly for what they do, but this is the toolkit I think makes sense if you wanna put yourself back together.

I will add an additional note that this isn't meant to be entirely mutually exclusive with other stuff. You can still talk to a therapist, do cardio, quit some of the chemicals you use, add other chemicals, and/or get a million dollars - y'know, whatever stuff fits and actually seems like a good idea.

In which way are you broken? And since some options seem to involve getting a partner or gender transitioning, what is your current gender and orientation? I'm not sure what happens to the transition option to the gender you already are lol

@TheAllMemeingEye I'm hsts-adjacent amab non binary era person. I'll know I'm fixed when I see it

bought Ṁ10 therapy YES

@warty I don't know what this means but I like the conviction!

@NivlacM "hsts" is a combo of homosexual and trans as a label for gender identity/sexuality. It's like trans woman who's into men, if I'm not getting that backwards.

Amab stands for "assigned male at birth." Just lingo.

I'm guessing "non-binary era" means they're in a period of their life where they're trying just dropping the binary stuff.

Unless "era" is an acronym in disguise, in which case, no idea.

@NevinWetherill yeah I'm feelin' era 😎:

  • Empty

  • Rough

  • Aching constantly

not fixed in 2024

Nobody is fixed. Just try to accept living broken.

exercise (gay cardio kind)

If you’re in a winter area: nordic skiing!