Tomorrow I have a violin recital. I have a bit of history with the piece I'm playing; namely, I haven't had a single good performance. I've attempted one competition and two recording sessions of this movement, and every single time I get unnaturally tense and am unable to execute it (for reference I do get stage fright pretty badly, and this is a bit of a bad case in that I have a prewritten fear of performing this piece due to the times I've failed before). Even when I feel pretty ready, said nervousness/panic affects my muscles a lot and makes me really tense and prevents me from getting the correct posture/hand position. Sooooo i'm not feeling particularly confident about tomorrow.

I know the piece so well at this point since I've been literally playing it for a year. It's engraved in my head. I just can't perform it. Since this is my last time performing it (probably), I'd very much like to get in at least a decent performance. I've also accepted the fact that in all likelihood I will not do well, and I don't think I'll get that hung over about it; I'll just be a little disappointed about never doing the piece justice ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The resolution is quite subjective, I'm aware, because it's hard to strictly define success. Even if I mess up a bit, given the history with this piece, I'd be happy if the overall vibe was a success. So I'm sort of measuring it as a "if the first thing I feel after I finish performing is a positive feeling, then this market resolves YES".

praygeeeeeeeeeee