the Brain Stomper is a machine that looks like a hydraulic press. You put your head in and it presses down on your head at breakneck speed, flattening your skull and everything inside. Somehow, people who have their heads flattened by the device come out not only alive but with much better cognitive performance, mental health, and longevity. Better than any other studied treatment or regimen.

The technology has been in use for 30 years and complications or failed procedures are unheard of. Scientists haven't made much progress figuring out why the fuck it works, just that it seems to work really well.

Do you put your head inside the Brain Stomper?