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Thanks so much for voting and expressing your thoughts here. This is the poll that will resolve the market:
Seeing is believing in the things you see, loving is believing in the ones you love. (That’s a lyric)
That said, there’s lots of ways you might have a relationship with a loved one, or not. If they’re not willing or able to change their behavior for you, then adjusting the relationship or adjusting your expectations are more realistic options.
I mean, high expectations tied to a belief you can do very well, expressed by someone whose approval you value, is a great motivator to improve. Being told about your flaws in an effort to "encourage" you to be less bad, on the other hand, is a great motivator to not value that person's opinion so much in future.
To actually successfully push someone to improve, they have to care what you think. If you've got full control over a child's access to food and shelter they can't just leave (yet) so you have the power to imbue in them a sense that they're not good enough, if you somehow think that's a good idea. But any time you're dealing with someone who can walk away and already has a fairly secure sense of self, "pushing" them to improve by disapproving of who they are has a high chance of leading to a fairly quick severing of the relationship.