Who will my girlfriend believe is the (primary) titular man in Taylor Swift's "The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived"?
Apr 27
Matty Healy
Joe Alwyn
There is no single identifiable titular man

On Taylor Swift's upcoming album (The Tortured Poets Department), there is a song titled "The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived". There has been widespread speculation about the identity of the titular "man". The obvious candidate is her ex boyfriend Joe Alwyn (as the album title references his group chat), but many other theories have been floated (see: below).

This market will resolve to the name of the man who my girlfriend considers to be the primary target of the song.

  • The resolution criteria are obviously subjective. My girlfriend plans to rely on a mix of (1) Genius.com, (2) consulting her Swiftie friends, and (3) her own subjective judgment (only if there is no Swiftie consensus), to come to a consensus for the most obvious single primary target.

  • I will not trade in this market.

  • She will come to her conclusion within a week of the album's release.

Bonus context for the current options:

  • It's quite possible that multiple men will be referenced—the goal for resolution will be to pick the single "primary" subject.

  • Thus, the option "There is no single identifiable titular man" is not an umbrella category for all cases where more than one man could be the target. Rather, it solely covers the (very plausible) scenario where no specific men can be clearly identified from references in the lyrics.

  • For background, the arbiter of this market tends to have ~fairly normal Swiftie opinions on most Swift-related topics. The goal here is largely to follow Swiftie Consensus.

A small sampling of example theories:

From Buzzfeed:

Others have wondered if it was inspired by Taylor’s ex Joe Jonas, who recently faced mass scrutiny for his split from his wife Sophie Turner, who was taller than him. 

Some have even shared their hope that this song will be more political and actually take a swipe at a public figure, such as Donald Trump, rather than any of Taylor’s exes. 

From SheKnows.com:

Fans are losing it over the title “The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived,” which is the fourteenth track on the album. Many are split on whether it’s about Joe Alwyn or Matt Healy. With the Alwyn theories, many believe it’s about his reaction to being talked about in public.

An Instagram fan account predicts it will be about Kanye, and a Reddit commenter thinks it could be Taylor Swift herself:

I think it'll be split - half blaming him, half self-loathing. My money is on "The Smallest Man..." being HER. She's already referred to herself as a man before. I think she'll be seeing herself as small because she can't leave him or because she's letting him hurt her or because she hurts him too

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bought Ṁ3 There is no single i... YES

drake diss coming out the same day reveals "The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived" to secretly be about Kendrick Lamar. Kendrick has 48 hours to respond


Can't wait to skip to this song and listen to it on 2x speed to trade on this market


T minus two weeks til judgment day 🙏

Chandra Dangi
bought Ṁ1 Chandra Dangi YES

Love the resolution criteria on this market btw!

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