On Taylor Swift's upcoming album (The Tortured Poets Department), there is a song titled "The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived". There has been widespread speculation about the identity of the titular "man". The obvious candidate is her ex boyfriend Joe Alwyn (as the album title references his group chat), but many other theories have been floated (see: below).
This market will resolve to the name of the man who my girlfriend considers to be the primary target of the song.
The resolution criteria are obviously subjective. My girlfriend plans to rely on a mix of (1) Genius.com, (2) consulting her Swiftie friends, and (3) her own subjective judgment (only if there is no Swiftie consensus), to come to a consensus for the most obvious single primary target.
I will not trade in this market.
She will come to her conclusion within a week of the album's release.
Bonus context for the current options:
It's quite possible that multiple men will be referenced—the goal for resolution will be to pick the single "primary" subject.
Thus, the option "There is no single identifiable titular man" is not an umbrella category for all cases where more than one man could be the target. Rather, it solely covers the (very plausible) scenario where no specific men can be clearly identified from references in the lyrics.
For background, the arbiter of this market tends to have ~fairly normal Swiftie opinions on most Swift-related topics. The goal here is largely to follow Swiftie Consensus.
A small sampling of example theories:
From Buzzfeed:
Others have wondered if it was inspired by Taylor’s ex Joe Jonas, who recently faced mass scrutiny for his split from his wife Sophie Turner, who was taller than him.
Some have even shared their hope that this song will be more political and actually take a swipe at a public figure, such as Donald Trump, rather than any of Taylor’s exes.
From SheKnows.com:
Fans are losing it over the title “The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived,” which is the fourteenth track on the album. Many are split on whether it’s about Joe Alwyn or Matt Healy. With the Alwyn theories, many believe it’s about his reaction to being talked about in public.
An Instagram fan account predicts it will be about Kanye, and a Reddit commenter thinks it could be Taylor Swift herself:
I think it'll be split - half blaming him, half self-loathing. My money is on "The Smallest Man..." being HER. She's already referred to herself as a man before. I think she'll be seeing herself as small because she can't leave him or because she's letting him hurt her or because she hurts him too
Related questions
🏅 Top traders
| # | Name | Total profit |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Ṁ403 | |
| 2 | Ṁ123 | |
| 3 | Ṁ100 | |
| 4 | Ṁ54 | |
| 5 | Ṁ29 |
My gf — in consultation with many Swifties in person and on the Internet — has decided this song is about Matty Healy. Here's the final ruling:
Prominent lyrics include (“In your Jehovah’s Witness suit”, a reference to the fact that Matty Healy often performs with the 1975 in a suit) and references to a summer ruined (when Matty & Taylor dated in summer 2023) as well as drug use (Matty Healy has previously been admitted to rehab for drug use). Genius.com supports this reading, stating: “Although fans speculated the song to be about Joe Alwyn, Taylor seems to be addressing Matty Healy.”
This market resolves to MATTY HEALY.