Who would win in a fight between Jacques Cousteau dual-wielding machetes and a blue-ringed octopus?

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resolved Nov 27

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YES

Tie

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Jacques Cousteau

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Blue-Ringed Octopus

Imagine a fight to the death, underwater. Jacques Cousteau in full scuba gear (and two machetes) vs a tiny yet nasty blie-ringed octopus.

This resolves to my judgement. Try to convince me what would happen in the comments. Relevant information might include things like speculation on how fast it's possible to swing a machete, how fast a blue-ringed octopus can swim, Jacques Cousteau's reaction time and other interesting tidbits. If both die, that counts as a tie.

This question is managed and resolved by Manifold.

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bought Ṁ5 YES

My money's on tie, by far the most probable outcome is octopus initially outmanoeuvres the machetes, delivers lethal venomous bite, gets slashed a moment later while still on him, they both die

Also superb banner image lol

OK you win, this sounds most plausible

bought Ṁ20 NO

Should the other two resolve no as well?

@mods OC accidentally only partially resolved the question

@TheAllMemeingEye what do the mods need to do here?

@jacksonpolack I resolved this first. No need to do anything I think, I forgot and the Eye reminded me, then I resolved.

bought Ṁ5 YES

machetes seem hard to quickly move around underwater

It's probably also hard for the octopus to move around though, right? And the machetes have long reach...

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